Some of us don’t really go in for Valentine’s Day. Because it’s annoying and cheap and the wait to check out at Walgreens is at least five minutes longer than usual.
So this year, thanks to Tina Fey’s 30 Rock, I have decided to celebrate Anna Howard Shaw’s birthday!
To brush you up on women’s history: Anna Howard Shaw was a bold and courageous leader of the suffragette movement in the United States and a staunch defender of peaceful civil disobedience. (Thanks, Wikipedia.) Obvi worth celebrating. So, on this the 166th birthday of Shaw, I present to you: 10 Ways to Celebrate Anna Howard Shaw Day.
1. Reconsider your current life goals. If you are a woman, and alive, you owe it to us all to win and keep on #winning. You should be the winningest broad you can possibly be. Think you like where you are right now? THINK AGAIN. Until you have started a movement of suffrage, got an MD, and become the first female to be ordained into the Methodist church, you are just not trying hard enough. I mean, seriously, look at yourself and ask yourself are you living up to the life Shaw died for you to have? (Technically she died of pneumonia, but the main thing here is that she is dead and she would want you to do some epic shit.)
2. Play Famous Women of the World Trivia! Make face flash cards and play it with all your feminist friends! Or try THIS incredibly difficult Famous Firsts in Women’s History trivia. If you ace this, I hope you work for the government. It would make me feel better about our collective future.
3. Call your mom/grandma/aunt/surrogate. Unless you’re Kyle XY, your family is largely responsible for who you are today. So I’m betting that – even if you don’t realize it – there is a woman in your family whose strength, tenacity, wit, charm, guts, overall badass factor brought you here today, O great feminist that you are. And yeah, housewives of the fifties were some strong-ass women. So thank her. And spend time with her.
5. Refuse to acknowledge when people say “Happy Valentine’s Day!” to you. At most, give them a, “What? OH! You mean Anna Howard Shaw Day!? Yessss, dahhhling.” Then kiss them on both cheeks and walk away quickly.
6. Dot your “i”s with hearts. THIS IS THE ONLY DAY that you, as a self-respecting feminist, can get away with such indescribably appealing behavior. Scribble those hearts with the full force of all your hatred towards the entrenched crises of everyday sexism and Kim Kardashian.
7. Stop trying to sabotage that girl that you can’t stand just because she’s a teeny bit smarter, prettier, funnier, and has more friends than you. You know the one I’m talking about. The Venn diagram of this girl’s friends and your friends overlaps fairly significantly, but her circle tends to be slightly better dressed and more musical than yours. But on this glorious day of feminine self-actualization, seriously, you have to let this go. Because you know when you hate on her, you’re really just cock-blocking yourself. Stand by the sisterhood.
8. Have a DIY “Consent” Panty Party! Everybody picks a consent-themed slogan (such as “Ask First, DUH" and adheres it onto their favorite pair of underwear! Because, ladies (and gents, because you guys can fight for rights too) – we all know the suffrage movement of our day is fighting rape culture. And that I am actually serious about.
9. Write 1,000 love notes to Tina Fey thanking her for recognizing Anna Howard Shaw Day and setting all of us free from the chains of February 14.
10. If you are over 18, BE SURE YOU ARE REGISTERED TO VOTE. Seriously, I’m ashamed of you. Everything she died fought really hard for.
Feel free to share your own ideas of how to celebrate in the comments!
