Fifth-Week Blues

[Music - Ryan Adams, Heartbreaker]

There's this thing in Oxford called the "fifth week blues." You can probably guess what that means. After fives weeks of research, libraries, lectures, papers, critiques, tutorials, grades, criticism, battering -- well, who wouldn't be a little tuckered out? A little despondent? Fifth week is the low point, apparently: the point during term when you suddenly realize you are rather exhausted but there are still three weeks (and five papers) left.

It's fifth week.

I'm finding the fifth week blues to be manifested in my life as missing home more. I've always missed the people at home. But this is just straight-up missing the familiarity of Americanisms. On the bus ride back from London on Tuesday, as we passed tall, narrow, stacked chimneyed-house after tall, narrow, stacked chimneyed-house, I felt like yelling, "I'M SICK OF ALL THESE TALL, NARROW, STACKED CHIMNEYED-HOUSES THAT ALL LOOK ALIKE!!!!!!" Give me a good southern wrap-around porch or I might die. I feel like I've had enough Tudor architecture to last me a lifetime.

I think it's just one of those weeks. We're tired, a bit downtrodden, and we all went to a mandatory lecture yesterday on applying to grad school after which even the boys were ready to cry and most of us were like, "Awesome. Thanks for making me feel like the rest of my life is going to suck no matter what."

Also, today the weather is just miserable. (Bear with me: I promise this whole post won't be depressing. :)) I was grumpy and slightly despondent this morning as I wrapped a scarf around my head and prepared to brave the heavy dark drizzle. I cut through the University Park to get to the English Faculty Library and the paths were a muddle of mud puddles (haha - "muddle" is like mud and puddle mixed together). It was one of those [Rosa from Sabrina's Spanish accent]: "Why God? Why I am here??" moments.

And then I looked up and realized that the soggy fields of the University Park were covered with flower buds. Fresh, beautiful, delicate flower buds. Each with sparkling drops of rain clinging on.

It was one of those most beautiful moments -- a breath caught in the chest, a bending down to touch, a soft petal on the cheek.

"It's God shining through to me, I guess."

I picked one and put it in my pocket. When I reached in two hours later and rediscovered it, it had bloomed. In my pocket!

::jaw drops::

Emma Plaskitt, my C.S. Lewis in Context tutor, told us to just get out of town and shake off the blues. She's really glad we're going to Ireland. Y'all. She is the most amazing woman. Kate, Emily, and I want to be her when we grow up. I only meet with her every other week because it's my secondary tutorial, but I look forward to those meetings so much!! It's fantastic. Everything we talk about is fascinating and exciting to both of us. Also, she really likes my writing. That's always nice. And this week was a secondary tutorial week which means I got to meet with Emma.

On a fairly disconnected-from-anything note: Here are a few pictures Kate took of the snow that day the weather was being "freaking confused." :) This was right after the sun had been shining on her picnic lunch.

(Playing in the backyard!)

(Mia, Me, and Nick -- they were all laughing at how much snow had accumulated on my hair)

So I guess my point is: Even though it's definitely been "one of those weeks," I can say nothing better than to point out that Ash Wednesday was right in the middle of it. A group of us walked down to Magdalen College for their Ash Wednesday Communion service and it was beautiful. Reminders that "From dust you were formed and to dust you shall return." But that's not the end.

This week: An exercise in JOY. :)